The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...You aren't really allowed to say it would. I don't know...

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

Oh... I'm sorry.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Lucas gets a small smile before Holland tugs him along a little.]

It's good to hear.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

N-No, please don't. This is my own fault... And my own problem for thinking like that.

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

That's okay. I mean, I wasn't there, so I probably shouldn't be saying things like that anyway.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will nod a little and continue along down the street slowly.]

When do you think all of this is going to stop?... I have a few friends who keep going on about Communism.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about it... You can say whatever you want to. I know you're trying to help.

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

Really?

Eh, better someone like you than someone like me.

[littlemiss101.livejournal.com]

Glad to help.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

No one is strong all the time. Being strong when you need to be is all that can be asked of you.

[Silence shifts his hand, resting it lightly on Lucas' hair rather than on his shoulder. The subject is too serious to ruffle his hair or anything of the sort, so it's simply another wordless gesture of comfort - the only sort he can offer.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I'd have to be pretty conceited to think I could manage a perfect world, right?

What do you mean, like you...?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[He'll nod after another few moments, though it isn't sure from the expression on his face whether or not he accepts it.]

Still. I wish... I wish I weren't so... you know.

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

Actually I was talking about communi-

[He makes that same noise again.]

You know what, I'll just see you in a few minutes.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...

Hold on. I'm a little tired and upset, but I'm not deaf, Luke.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

I think it's pointless.

Still . . . don't want you saying something that will get you hurt.

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

Look kid, you shouldn't worry too much about the small stuff. You tried and you really cared about what you were doing. Chances are you did the best anyone could do.

Some guy like me, given the chance to get whatever he wanted? I'd probably slip up and wish for something pretty selfish.

I might say I am a good guy but I'm not even close to your level. I'd rather have you decide than almost anyone else I can name. Trust me.

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

[Just

irritably rubbing his forehead.]

It's...something I don't really want to get into right now, not over the phones at least.

[Because he'll probably say something sooner or later to Lucas, it was getting harder not to.]

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

Well, I just wanted you to know that I think you're a good person, and that I believe in you. And since I'm all hopped up on truth gas right now, you don't have to worry about whether I'm just saying that to make you feel better.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[He'll be quiet for a few seconds.]

I tried, and I did the best I could. That's what I tell myself, too. It helps a little, hearing it from someone else, though...

I didn't mean to fish for compliments or anything, but... thank you, Mr. Captain.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Come over, then. We'll talk here.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You think they'll do something to them...? Even though it's the town forcing it in the first place?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...Thank you, Kay. I think I'd trust you to mean it even without the gas.

Um.

There's something I have to say to you.

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

Right, see you in a bit.

[And a few minutes later there's some knocking.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Hi, Luke. Come on in.

[Lucas will pull the door open and usher his friend inside. He looks fairly exhausted.]

...Do you even know what communism really is, Luke?

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

[Luke comes inside, and at the mention of communism gives an exasperated sigh.]

It's a political theory, I figured out that much. Other then that I have no clue what it is or why I'm talking about it.