Thirty Third PSI

[a_gentle_boy]

[Well. It had been a day or two since being rescued from Westport, and Lucas finally felt well enough to return to his daily activities. After the first day of binging, the thought of eating more food had been slightly nauseating, actually. When he's finished with school, he will make a call about something that's been on his mind since returning.]

[voice, public]
Ah. Hi, everyone. This is Lucas. Um. First off, I'd like to say thanks to whoever it was that brought us all back. . . . I really don't want to think about what would have happened to us if you hadn't come. I think Vince said your name was Mr. Doctor...

The other thing is, I'd like to talk to the people who were in Westport last year. Did any of you take a look around for more clues . . . ? I guess no hazmats means no clues, and I don't really mind that, but. I know I didn't find anything important. . . . There were a few things, though - Some things that were odd. There wasn't a church or a library. And, Kay, do you remember the television in the house you hid in last year? I went back to the same house, and . . . there wasn't anything there. But I know it was the same. The place where the TV had plugged into, it was missing entirely.

. . . I'm not sure what any of this means, but it might be important to think about.

Comments

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

. . . Yeah. I guess that even though I have legs, and everything, I didn't really fulfill their potential by trying to be brave, when I should have.

And I don't really know, whether it was rough or smooth, sorry, that I don't really know much of anything at all.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You don't have to apologize, Tavros. Keeping yourself safe doesn't mean you're not brave. And if you have no way to fight yet, then . . . I'd rather you stay safe and alive than brave and dead.

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Still, I think that, um, Rufio would be disappointed, so next time, I will deeply consider doing something other than, maybe, abscond.

But, uh, where did you go?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Is that a friend of yours from home?

We went . . . I'm not exactly sure. I guess it was supposed to be the past, but we'd been there before it. Westport. Last year, around the beginning of summer, a lot of us were trapped there for a week, but the experience wasn't nearly as bad this time.

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Um, Rufio is sort of like, a friend, except he is not real, and therefore can't really be a friend, as he is a fake thing, that exists only in my head. But he has a lot of confidence, and is generally, extremely cool, and strong, and knows what to say all the time, and, uh, doesn't say "uh." I'm not supposed to let anyone, especially certain people, hurt his feelings.

. . . Wow, okay, I think it is here, I will say, I am not very good at understanding the, um, weird time shit, so I guess I will stick to asking, you are alright, and everything? I feel that is a polite and human thing to ask at this point.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will laugh a little.]

I am alright and everything. Thanks. And thank you for being polite, too, although you don't have to try too hard to do human things if you don't feel like it. I won't mind.

So, um.

Do you mean you have an imaginary friend who . . . sets an example for how you wish you were like?

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Well, uh, I think I am glad to hear that answer, either way, because I would be pretty sad if something happened to you.

Oh, yes, that is a good way of putting, what Rufio is. Kanaya, who is my friend, uh, a real one who is not made-up, told me that I should try it. Though, I am not really sure, if she was doing the thing, where she sounds sincere, but is actually laughing about it.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

O-Oh, thanks. I'm sorry to have worried you . . .

About the friend thing . . . maybe it would be better if you found someone real you could wish to be like. I mean, unless you have a really good imagination, I think that would work out better. I do like the name Rufio, though . . .

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

You mean, instead of naming my self confidence in an ineffectual attempt to make me more, aware of the consequences of letting others exert their power and opinions over me, and also possibly curb my tendency to self-deprecate, that I should find someone who is better than me in every way, and try to be like them?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

. . . Um. No. Wait. What?

You should . . . do all of that stuff you said about your confidence. Does naming it really help you? I mean, if it does, then forget I said anything. I was saying, that . . . if you have friends you can look up to, who, maybe not better in every way, but who act in ways you think you can admire . . .

I mean. That's what I do . . .

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay, I think I understand now.

. . . And, um, I hope you don't think, this is weird, or off-putting, but I believe, I would like to act more like you, since you are a very good example, of a human, that I like.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[what]

M-Me?! I . . . I don't count! I'm -- I'm not ... You want to be more like me . . . ?

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Um, yes, that is what I said, even if I probably should not have said it, but I am practicing my confidence, and also I can't really take it back, at this point in the conversation.

It is just. Uh. Um.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, that's very good! But . . . me?

T-That . . . That's such a nice thing to say. No one's ever . . . I mean, I don't even think there's anything about me to look up to, b-but I guess . . . I mean, are you really sure? Thank you . . .

[1/2]

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

[Did



did that actually go well

excuse tavros for a moment while he sits in stunned silence.]

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Woah, uh, these legs work, pretty great, actually.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Kind of a random change of topic, but OK.]

Do they? I hope so. ... I really hope you never get your old ones back, either.

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

[Then you clearly do not understand Leg Powered Self Confidence, Lucas.]

. . . Oh, no, I definitely do not want that, at all, ever, considering that with them, I probably would not have been able to just say any of that, ever, because of my natural legless cowardice.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Legless cowardice? Do you think you're less confident when your legs don't work . . . ?

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Um, yes, that is absolutely true. It is, extremely difficult to stand up, for yourself, or otherwise, when your legs do not work.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

. . . I'm not sure if you're making a joke or being serious, but that's a good pun, either way.

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Oh, a pun, as in the human phrase for, a play on words which involves using a word or construct that has dual meaning, for the purpose of creating a humorous contrast?

Yes, I believe, that has been achieved, heh.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

That's . . . a really precise definition, uh-huh. But you know you can be confident even if some part of you doesn't work well, right?

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

I don't want to, um, disagree with you, or anything, but, uh, from experience I can say, with certainty, that is not the case.

Though, I guess it doesn't matter now, because, I have these legs, and also, maybe, even a small bit of confidence.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say confidence is all about what's in your head, but . . . we can probably talk about that some other time. I'm glad you feel like you have more.