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a_gentle_boy[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too. He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge. Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway.
It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine. Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly. ...He gives in soon enough.]
I... I...
I destroyed my world.
I destroyed it! For the sake of saving it, I had to...! All the responsibility... It fell to me. In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it. It was the only thing that could be done. I didn't want it. I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth. he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky. Porky! King P. I wanted to beat him. I wanted to make things like they were before...! Before everything was ruined...
It would have been remade according to my heart. I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon. The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was... And I'm afraid. I think about it a lot. What if I wasn't good enough? What if I wasn't the right one? What if they made a mistake when they chose me? What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....
I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing. Just... nothingness. All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed. Everyone, everything I care for. I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker. I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then... It's just because I know that's what I should believe.
[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself. That wasn't even the biggest secret. For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out. So be it.]
The savior and the destroyer of the world. Pathetic, right...?
It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine. Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly. ...He gives in soon enough.]
I... I...
I destroyed my world.
I destroyed it! For the sake of saving it, I had to...! All the responsibility... It fell to me. In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it. It was the only thing that could be done. I didn't want it. I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth. he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky. Porky! King P. I wanted to beat him. I wanted to make things like they were before...! Before everything was ruined...
It would have been remade according to my heart. I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon. The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was... And I'm afraid. I think about it a lot. What if I wasn't good enough? What if I wasn't the right one? What if they made a mistake when they chose me? What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....
I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing. Just... nothingness. All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed. Everyone, everything I care for. I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker. I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then... It's just because I know that's what I should believe.
[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself. That wasn't even the biggest secret. For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out. So be it.]
The savior and the destroyer of the world. Pathetic, right...?
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 07:38 am (UTC)[Lucas's voice has descended into something of an empty mumble at this point.]
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Date: 2011-07-17 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-17 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 04:58 pm (UTC)And you think it's gonna be either bad or nothin'?
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Date: 2011-07-23 02:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-24 07:46 am (UTC)[For the first time there's an uncomfortable silence from the rainbow pony. Honestly, comforting others wasn't really Rainbow Dash's forte. Protecting people? She could do that. Helping them out when they were in a jam? She could do that too. But this wasn't her area of expertise and it was starting become clearer she wasn't helping much.
She needed to pass this kid on over to Twilight, she knew more about this kind of stuff then she did.
Not that her pride would ever admit to something like that, so more awkward trying!]
Eh, well...you know, everypony's got something they're afraid of. So it's not like it's weakness or something like that, but if ya worry about it forever it's going to make ya go crazy.
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Date: 2011-07-24 10:06 am (UTC)I know you're right. Just... the town messing around has made me think about it a lot more.
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Date: 2011-07-24 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-26 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-26 06:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-26 01:45 pm (UTC)