The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will scrunch up his face a bit a few times, blinking rapidly. He'll suddenly turn away, turning his face towards his sleeve and breathing out hard.]

Sorry.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

[Silence frowns in concern; he'd gladly hold Lucas if he needed comfort - because it's quite clear the boy needs it - but he's not sure if Lucas wants that sort of gesture from him. Clearly he's trying to be strong. But in any case, no apology is necessary, though that's difficult for the mystic to mutely convey.

Rather than force the issue, Silence rests both hands on Lucas' shoulders now, squeezing lightly in reassurance. Real family or not, Silence has come to be quite fond of his 'son', and is ready to offer any sort of support he can.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will continue to sniff silently for a time. He's older now. He can control himself without letting it all loose, and he doesn't want to seem even more pitiful than he must already in front of Silence. So he'll dry his eyes after a bit and progress on to the deep sighing characteristic of those who do not wish to let their tears fall.]

I don't even feel that bad about it, usually... Just... saying it out loud was...

[A sigh.]

I can't stand it here.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

[Silence moves so that he can stand in front of Lucas; most communication requires him to be seen by the person he's 'talking' to, after all. He keeps one hand on one of the boy's shoulders, though...at least until he has to write something down.

The note is a bit slow in coming, since Silence has a lot of thoughts he wants to put down, and he particularly wants to be sure to convey them properly. He uses a less exaggerated script than usual; he can't do much to convey tone in text beyond this.]

It's all right if you're upset. I know mystics hundreds of years old who have endured less.

You're very strong, Lucas. Only someone strong could have done everything you have. And you have a good heart. There must be a wonderful world waiting for you.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will watch carefully as Silence writes down what he needs to say. He'll take his own time in coming up with a response, quietly staring at the paper for some time after the man is done.]

...Thanks, Mr. Silence.

I feel like... If I was strong, it's only because I had to be, at that time, at that place. The rest of the time ... I'm more like a marshmallow.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

No one is strong all the time. Being strong when you need to be is all that can be asked of you.

[Silence shifts his hand, resting it lightly on Lucas' hair rather than on his shoulder. The subject is too serious to ruffle his hair or anything of the sort, so it's simply another wordless gesture of comfort - the only sort he can offer.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[He'll nod after another few moments, though it isn't sure from the expression on his face whether or not he accepts it.]

Still. I wish... I wish I weren't so... you know.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

[Silence tilts his head questioningly, his expression an open inquiry. Apparently he doesn't know.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas's mouth opens and closes a few times. He can't seem to find the right word for it, so he settles for...]

So... me. I take everything... too much. If that makes senes.

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

[Silence smiles slightly, though there's something almost...wistful about it. Apparently this does indeed make sense to him.

He pulls his hand back to write another note.]

There are worse things to be. I think anyone would be lucky to be like you.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Brief flashes of his short yet dramatic life flicker through his mind. Lucas would protest, but...]

Not.. exactly like me, hopefully. But... thank you, Mr. Silence.