The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"To save the soul of the man I love from an eternity of bondage."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You... You said you weren't able to do it, though?

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"This place took me, as my brother and I were to set out and learn how."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I see.

I hope you can leave soon and find success, then.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. I too wish that your world comes together in a beautiful fashion."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

That's a pretty way to say it. ...There's nothing I can really do now, so I guess... that's all I can hope for, too.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps this is some form of penance for thinking we were the ones to remake the world, perhaps this is a warning of how not to make it. I ponder these things frequently. Sometimes I wonder if it is not punishment for me for things I did before I became aware."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but... I don't think anyone sane would want to make a place like this.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Not everyone with power IS sane. Many people want it, but do not know why, or want it merely for the sake of obtaining more."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

If we're talking about enough power to change the world the way you want it... I guess it takes a certain kind of person to even want that power in the first place.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Yes.. That is true. I do not believe you want it, nor do I, I just wish to use it momentarily. Those who want it frighten me."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...I'm frightened, too. No one person has the right to decide everyone's fate.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"I agree completely. Perhaps though, that is why you were given that power."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Ah... Not even me. Well. Especially not me.

...Do you think I did the right thing?

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"As I do not know the full story, I can not say for certain."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

That's fair.

[And Lucas feels the accompanying urge to rectify this by giving Elizabeth the whole story. He'll take a few moments away from the phone to restrain himself.]

I'll... see if I can tell you someday. When I'm not being pushed to. It's better that way.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"That would be best. When a story is willingly told it is far more interesting than when forced."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

The town could use some advice from you. I'm probably going to hang up now before I say anything else even more embarrassing, if you don't mind...

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"I do not believe the town would listen to me but... Yes, and may you find a way to safeguard your heart's truest desires."

[She hangs up]