Lucas (
a_gentle_boy) wrote2011-01-02 10:49 pm
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Twenty-Eighth PSI
[public]
[There is fumbling on the phone line for a few seconds and a bit of hesitant breathing, as if the speaker isn't sure whether or not he should say what he's about to say. When he finally gets the words out, though, they are spoken firmly, with confidence.]
I believe him.
I'm not going to ask anyone else to, but . . . I do. I don't think for a second that he can really get us out of here, but I think he's trying to help us. It's not out of selflessness or anything -- There's some reason we can't understand . . . If it makes sense, though, I think . . . I think whatever he's after, it's better for him if we escape than if we stay. It's not for our sake. But I believe him.
We've fought so hard for so long. So when somebody offers to help us for the first time . . . If we just refuse and say it's a trick to hurt us even more -- Isn't that a victory for them, too? We've all been hurt so deeply that our first reaction is to be afraid. . . . I don't want to become like that. I don't want to become someone who's bitter and frightened and always suspicious. I understand -- I'm naive, and I'm stupid. But I've gotten as far as I have by believing in the good of people, and I won't let Mayfield take that away from me.
. . . He said something to me. 'Keep on keeping on'. . . .
[filtered to Crowe, Kay, Luke, and Ness]
[He's chosen the people he wants to speak with carefully. There are so many people he loves and cares for in this place, but . . . He needs a certain type of person for this. And after carefully considering for another few moments, Lucas slowly and deliberately filters away from his mother. There are some things he doesn't want her to know.]
I have something to show you. It might not be a good time now -- When all of this is over, though, I'd like to ask you to come over when you can. Thanks.
[There is fumbling on the phone line for a few seconds and a bit of hesitant breathing, as if the speaker isn't sure whether or not he should say what he's about to say. When he finally gets the words out, though, they are spoken firmly, with confidence.]
I believe him.
I'm not going to ask anyone else to, but . . . I do. I don't think for a second that he can really get us out of here, but I think he's trying to help us. It's not out of selflessness or anything -- There's some reason we can't understand . . . If it makes sense, though, I think . . . I think whatever he's after, it's better for him if we escape than if we stay. It's not for our sake. But I believe him.
We've fought so hard for so long. So when somebody offers to help us for the first time . . . If we just refuse and say it's a trick to hurt us even more -- Isn't that a victory for them, too? We've all been hurt so deeply that our first reaction is to be afraid. . . . I don't want to become like that. I don't want to become someone who's bitter and frightened and always suspicious. I understand -- I'm naive, and I'm stupid. But I've gotten as far as I have by believing in the good of people, and I won't let Mayfield take that away from me.
. . . He said something to me. 'Keep on keeping on'. . . .
[filtered to Crowe, Kay, Luke, and Ness]
[He's chosen the people he wants to speak with carefully. There are so many people he loves and cares for in this place, but . . . He needs a certain type of person for this. And after carefully considering for another few moments, Lucas slowly and deliberately filters away from his mother. There are some things he doesn't want her to know.]
I have something to show you. It might not be a good time now -- When all of this is over, though, I'd like to ask you to come over when you can. Thanks.
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I don't think it has anything to do with that. Um. A lot of people -- maybe you -- would've been sent home if they did things that way, I think.
[By now, they have reached his room. Since he's already shown it to Kay, Lucas stashed the box less securely under his bed and pulls it out now to hand to Crowe.]
These are the records of every conversation he had with Jane Smith after the fire.
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You have them? That's great. This is very valuable. May I take a look...?
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[The notes aren't terribly interesting aside from the fact that the Netherlands has made it clear he would be trying to get Samantha to come around again sometime. And buried somewhere near the bottom is the wallet of one Richard Grey.]
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He picks up the wallet, and looks through it as well.]
Where did you find this...?
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[He'd almost forgotten that was there.]
Mr. Netherlands found that in Westport.
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Sorry for late again; a lot of stuff came up. Feel free to ignore.
it's okay, i will backtag forever
Alright, I won't. But it's good to know. Any information is helpful.
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Mr. Netherlands always kept it secret, and he trusted me with it after he was gone, so . . . I don't want to do anything he wouldn't have done.
. . . I think . . . I want to keep on with it, too.
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Fair enough. Thanks again, then, for trusting me with this.
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[Realizing they could probably be at the thanking game for a few hours, Lucas begins to pack the things back into the box carefully, although if Crowe is paying attention, he may see the boy slipping the wallet into his own pocket. Better hide them separately . . . ]
Um. Crowe? Can I ask you something?
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Of course.
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[This is said in an almost nonchalant tone of voice as Lucas glances down and pays far too much attention to making sure that the box's lid is on properly.]
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You've been through a lot here Lucas, and don't amazingly well. That takes a lot of strength.
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[Darn box. The lid just wasn't going on right.]
I believe everything I said on the phone, but . . . that's not why I voted. It's because . . . It's because I'm tired. I'm really tired, Crowe.
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I know. I understand. I've been here since March. So much has happened. It feels like a lifetime. I want to go home too, but.. I just can't leave this place to keep doing what it's doing. It needs to stop. And I... I have too many friends here. I-I've never had so many before. Friends than I've had longer than all the ones I knew back where I'm from, expect one. I-It's almost like Mayfield is my home now, but only because of the people here. They've been so good to me.
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[Lucas agrees dully.]
You're stronger than I can be, Crowe. No matter how many times you're hurt or you die, you . . . you're always on your feet again. That's part of why you have so many people who care for you. They admire you. I admire you. But every time I see you get hurt, it's my heart that breaks a little more. That's dumb, isn't it?
I hold on too tight, so . . . I'm weak. That's what he said to me. I can't let go. I can't . . . I can't keep watching everyone I love get killed over and over, month after month. I'm never any help or protection or anything I'm supposed to be. I can't protect them. I can't protect my closest friends. I can't protect you. I can't even protect me, a-and if that's so, then . . . then . . .
I can't let her die again.
[The last words are mouthed so softly that Crowe may not even hear them. Lucas stares at the box's lid, surprisingly dry-eyed.]
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It's not enough.
[He doesn't clarify what he means. The power he has isn't enough to protect others? The most they can do isn't enough? What they have left isn't enough? All of the above?]
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Then I don't know what else to tell you. Since the day I entered Mayfield I've been completely out of my element. I-I know how easy I've had it before, and I'm thankful for it. There's only so much I can do, only so much any of us can do....
I'm tired too, Lucas. Really tired.
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Do you believe we'll escape, Crowe? Really and truly?
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There is a bit of a glow on his face as he finally looks up at Crowe. Literally, that.]
Thanks, Crowe.
People always say it'll be alright. That's what I say whenever anyone asks me. . . . But it's nice to hear sometimes that . . . I'm not the only one who's unsure.
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