Twenty-Eighth PSI

[a_gentle_boy]

[public]
[There is fumbling on the phone line for a few seconds and a bit of hesitant breathing, as if the speaker isn't sure whether or not he should say what he's about to say.  When he finally gets the words out, though, they are spoken firmly, with confidence.]

I believe him.

I'm not going to ask anyone else to, but . . . I do.  I don't think for a second that he can really get us out of here, but I think he's trying to help us.  It's not out of selflessness or anything -- There's some reason we can't understand . . . If it makes sense, though, I think . . . I think whatever he's after, it's better for him if we escape than if we stay.  It's not for our sake.  But I believe him.

We've fought so hard for so long.  So when somebody offers to help us for the first time . . . If we just refuse and say it's a trick to hurt us even more -- Isn't that a victory for them, too?  We've all been hurt so deeply that our first reaction is to be afraid.  . . . I don't want to become like that.  I don't want to become someone who's bitter and frightened and always suspicious.  I understand -- I'm naive, and I'm stupid.  But I've gotten as far as I have by believing in the good of people, and I won't let Mayfield take that away from me.

 . . . He said something to me.  'Keep on keeping on'. . . .

[filtered to Crowe, Kay, Luke, and Ness]
[He's chosen the people he wants to speak with carefully.  There are so many people he loves and cares for in this place, but . . . He needs a certain type of person for this.  And after carefully considering for another few moments, Lucas slowly and deliberately filters away from his mother.  There are some things he doesn't want her to know.]

I have something to show you.  It might not be a good time now -- When all of this is over, though, I'd like to ask you to come over when you can.  Thanks.

Comments

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas ignores the first question for now, knowing that it will be answered a little later.]

And do you remember everything that happened with him and Jane Smith and the fire in the pharmacy?

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He's starting to look a bit concerned.]

I do remember it... it was pretty terrible. But I doubt I know everything about it.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

They did that because they wanted Jane Smith to remember being Samantha Achewood. And . . . I think they succeeded.

Mr. Netherlands never really stopped trying. He kept talking with Jane until they were almost friends, and he was going to try to do it again when he . . . went.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Crowe looks surprised at this.] Really? That's... incredible. But the town sent him home... How disappointing. [He thinks on this. A coincidence?]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas catches his thought.]

I don't think it has anything to do with that. Um. A lot of people -- maybe you -- would've been sent home if they did things that way, I think.

[By now, they have reached his room. Since he's already shown it to Kay, Lucas stashed the box less securely under his bed and pulls it out now to hand to Crowe.]

These are the records of every conversation he had with Jane Smith after the fire.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I-I suppose

You have them? That's great. This is very valuable. May I take a look...?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Please do. It's why I asked you to come. If I go, I want someone else to know about this.

[The notes aren't terribly interesting aside from the fact that the Netherlands has made it clear he would be trying to get Samantha to come around again sometime. And buried somewhere near the bottom is the wallet of one Richard Grey.]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He flips through them, taking note of the more important parts in his head. He'll be sure to document it in his own journal when he got home.

He picks up the wallet, and looks through it as well.]

Where did you find this...?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

. . . Oh?

[He'd almost forgotten that was there.]

Mr. Netherlands found that in Westport.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

You've got a lot of stuff here... thanks a lot for sharing.

Sorry for late again; a lot of stuff came up. Feel free to ignore.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for being willing to look at it. You can come see it again whenever you want. But . . . I'm going to ask you not to spread it around or anything.

it's okay, i will backtag forever

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He thinks on that a moment. He wanted to add this information to his own journal, but since he's going to hand copies of that out...]

Alright, I won't. But it's good to know. Any information is helpful.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas seems a little apologetic as he tries to explain.]

Mr. Netherlands always kept it secret, and he trusted me with it after he was gone, so . . . I don't want to do anything he wouldn't have done.

. . . I think . . . I want to keep on with it, too.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He nods. He can respect that.]

Fair enough. Thanks again, then, for trusting me with this.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[Realizing they could probably be at the thanking game for a few hours, Lucas begins to pack the things back into the box carefully, although if Crowe is paying attention, he may see the boy slipping the wallet into his own pocket. Better hide them separately . . . ]

Um. Crowe? Can I ask you something?

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[These two are too polite for their own good.]

Of course.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Do you think I'm too soft? . . . Too weak?

[This is said in an almost nonchalant tone of voice as Lucas glances down and pays far too much attention to making sure that the box's lid is on properly.]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[A-aw, Lucas. He shakes his head.]

You've been through a lot here Lucas, and don't amazingly well. That takes a lot of strength.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I voted to go home.

[Darn box. The lid just wasn't going on right.]

I believe everything I said on the phone, but . . . that's not why I voted. It's because . . . It's because I'm tired. I'm really tired, Crowe.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Crowe gives Lucas a sympathetic look. He definitely relates.]

I know. I understand. I've been here since March. So much has happened. It feels like a lifetime. I want to go home too, but.. I just can't leave this place to keep doing what it's doing. It needs to stop. And I... I have too many friends here. I-I've never had so many before. Friends than I've had longer than all the ones I knew back where I'm from, expect one. I-It's almost like Mayfield is my home now, but only because of the people here. They've been so good to me.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

It has to stop.

[Lucas agrees dully.]

You're stronger than I can be, Crowe. No matter how many times you're hurt or you die, you . . . you're always on your feet again. That's part of why you have so many people who care for you. They admire you. I admire you. But every time I see you get hurt, it's my heart that breaks a little more. That's dumb, isn't it?

I hold on too tight, so . . . I'm weak. That's what he said to me. I can't let go. I can't . . . I can't keep watching everyone I love get killed over and over, month after month. I'm never any help or protection or anything I'm supposed to be. I can't protect them. I can't protect my closest friends. I can't protect you. I can't even protect me, a-and if that's so, then . . . then . . .

I can't let her die again.

[The last words are mouthed so softly that Crowe may not even hear them. Lucas stares at the box's lid, surprisingly dry-eyed.]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

In the end, there's not much anyone can do to protect people here. You shouldn't blame yourself. Please. The most we can do is just keep working together. That's all we have left in this town - each other.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas continues to examine the box in his hands, not seeming to take in Crowe's words. His whispered response is preceded by a long ten seconds of silence.]

It's not enough.

[He doesn't clarify what he means. The power he has isn't enough to protect others? The most they can do isn't enough? What they have left isn't enough? All of the above?]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Crowe just looks at Lucas sadly for a moment. Then he shakes his head.]

Then I don't know what else to tell you. Since the day I entered Mayfield I've been completely out of my element. I-I know how easy I've had it before, and I'm thankful for it. There's only so much I can do, only so much any of us can do....

I'm tired too, Lucas. Really tired.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas finally seems to come back to himself during Crowe's next words, although he still doesn't look up.]

Do you believe we'll escape, Crowe? Really and truly?