The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Oh.

...I'm sorry. Was this... during that time when we were assigned people to kill?

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

Well, I mean... you know I have a boyfriend that I really love a lot, right?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I never said anything for a reason, you know.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Holland nods, not quite looking down at Lucas.]

He went to school before I could stop him.

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

[Luke glances over for a rulebook, and if he sees one he'll pick it up to look at it.]

Mm? Oh...yes I did.

[He took note of the all names, tried to underline everything he thought was an important detail, tried to make sense of all this new information.

But the names didn't have any meaning to him, didn't strike up any kind of old memories.]

They were all from this place called Westport, weren't they?

[foalingaround.livejournal.com]

Oh...

And you think it's gonna be either bad or nothin'?

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to worry, then.

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

I don't see how. Most adults are ☠☠☠☠, and they're never going to really change.

You are a good kid and you probably have a better idea how to start off a new world than we do.

Captain America would make it the American dream, even if you didn't want it. Monica would probably PMS and do something stupid. Even Nick Fury would be a terrible choice and these are the top dogs back home.

Even I'd make a pretty ☠☠☠☠ terrible world.

[allnaturalmagic.livejournal.com]

I... don't know.

I think maybe they're jealous. Perhaps they want so badly to be a part of something that beautiful, but they just can't, no matter how much they try... so instead of trying in vain, they aim to destroy and ruin it instead...

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...They didn't have anything to do with each other, you know. Dying, and the droning. And you couldn't have done anything...

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm not too impressed with the American dream, if Mayfield is anything like that...

I think I understand. Everyone has different ideas of what's right... So , in the end, nobody is really right.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

That's right.

[Lucas will take his seven tiles out of the bag and pass it to Luke when he's done. The rules were right on top of everything else so he shouldn't have had a problem finding it.]

Westport was where a lot of us ended up last year, and it's where we found the first clues about the town.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I think... I know what I'm afraid of...

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

It seems like in everyone's world... there's always something that's gone right. Something or someone that wants to control or to destroy. I've never met anyone from a completely peaceful world.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Um.

If you could never mention this to anyone, I'd appreciate it. ...Although I guess you were the last person I wanted to know so if you know it's not as bad as if anyone else does now...

[thief-of-truth.livejournal.com]

It's okay, I won't say anything! You can trust me.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Suddenly he's remembering that Lucas can talk to bunnies and. . .]

. . . can you read my mind?

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

Yeah, tell me about it. The American dream isn't as terrible as this place but it's still pretty worthless.

I don't think that's true. I just think some of us are more selfish than others. I'd make a worked that'd work for me and probably only for a few days. ☠☠☠☠, knowing how I plan things, probably a few hours tops.

Maybe someone like you would make a world that works for everyone.

[allnaturalmagic.livejournal.com]

I don't think any exist.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

...That's probably all the embarrassing things I have to say today. Um. How are you getting along...?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to think so, too. I wonder if it's even possible.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas glances up a little, surprised.]

Not... really. I'm not that kind of psychic. I read people pretty well, and I can guess, sometimes, but... That might not even have to do with my PSI at all.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...Do you mind if I asked what kind of world you'd think you want to make?

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

[You caught him on truth day.]

It'd involve drinking, women and me as the only guy in the world.

You know, nothing special. Just that.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...

You're right; that probably wouldn't be a very practical world. Sorry if I embarrassed you.