The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Not at all. My world... Is many worlds... Many that have been destroyed and recreated, sometimes for as little as to save a life. I myself contemplated doing this till I gained the outcome I wished but... I was not strong enough."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You've seen it happen? It's happened often? Have... Have they always come out alright in the end?

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Sometimes nothing changes. Infinity is hard to comprehend, and usually it depends on if the people in the new world care enough to take care of it."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Oh.

[Lucas will be quiet for a moment or two.]

As long as it comes back at all. ...So. What is it you needed to recreate the world for?

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"To save the soul of the man I love from an eternity of bondage."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You... You said you weren't able to do it, though?

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"This place took me, as my brother and I were to set out and learn how."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I see.

I hope you can leave soon and find success, then.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. I too wish that your world comes together in a beautiful fashion."

phone; she's a 1-2

[eternalfuture]

[Usagi's heart hurts hearing this. If she knew where you were, Lucas, she'd come give you a hug, but as it is, the phone will have to do.]

It isn't, at all. I think it's very brave, what you did. You're like me, like that - you love the world so much that you would do anything at all to keep it safe.

Have faith. I think the world you're from will be just fine, with someone like you looking out for it.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

That's a pretty way to say it. ...There's nothing I can really do now, so I guess... that's all I can hope for, too.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps this is some form of penance for thinking we were the ones to remake the world, perhaps this is a warning of how not to make it. I ponder these things frequently. Sometimes I wonder if it is not punishment for me for things I did before I became aware."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...I don't think it was brave or anything; it's just... I was the right person in the right place at the right time. It had to be done.

But thank you. That makes me feel a little better...

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but... I don't think anyone sane would want to make a place like this.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Not everyone with power IS sane. Many people want it, but do not know why, or want it merely for the sake of obtaining more."

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

If we're talking about enough power to change the world the way you want it... I guess it takes a certain kind of person to even want that power in the first place.

[eternalfuture]

That doesn't mean doing it wasn't brave. I - I get it, that feeling of being really scared but having to do something anyway, and not knowing how it would turn out.

I think...I think it's going to be okay. Love and friendship and caring conquer all.

[ra-ra-razputin.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're weak for being afraid. I think you're normal.

[friendly-ghosts.livejournal.com]

Lucas..... Don't cry.

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

If it was all based on you?

I think they got it pretty good back home right now.

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's being weak at all! You sound a lot braver then most people would be, a responsibility like that isn't something that's easy.

[elevatoravatar.livejournal.com]

"Yes.. That is true. I do not believe you want it, nor do I, I just wish to use it momentarily. Those who want it frighten me."

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

Lucas, I'm coming over.

[And then you can come home with him.]

[Phone]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

If it's based off you?

I'd think your world is probably fine. Not that I expect my opinion to mean much on the matter.



I'm sorry. I shouldn't have responded.


I wasn't joking when I apologized in March. And I still know it means nothing. But I am sorry.



It's okay. If you need talk about me. It's okay.

Action

[mute-mystic.livejournal.com]

[Since he's regained his mystic body, Silence doesn't sleep much. And given that he and Lucas are the only non-drones in the house(and no drones are awake at this hour), with Silence himself making very little noise, it's no surprise he hears when Lucas starts talking.

He moves to the door, listening, but makes no move to interrupt until Lucas winds down on his own. His expression is sad, sympathetic. Once Lucas finishes, he moves closer, resting a hand lightly on his shoulder.

Mystics can live for thousands of years, and Silence wouldn't wish such heavy responsibility on someone with centuries of wisdom and experience - to say nothing of a young boy.]