The Truth

[a_gentle_boy]

[Having progressed through the symptoms all week, Lucas is aware that the day is coming when he's going to blab some of his secrets, too.  He keeps out of the house as much as he can, wears a mask on his face to serve as an instant gag if necessary, and when he does feel the need to blab, he spills the beans to his pet bug, who listens very carefully and doesn't judge.  Mostly 'cause it knew everything already anyway. 

It's like being on withdrawal from caffeine.  Super early Friday morning, Lucas is plugging and unplugging the phone alternately in turns, sweating rapidly.  ...He gives in soon enough.]

I... I... 

I destroyed my world.

I destroyed it!  For the sake of saving it, I had to...!  All the responsibility... It fell to me.  In the end, it was my decision, and I ... I chose to destroy it.  It was the only thing that could be done.  I didn't want it.   I never asked to be the one to choose; all I wanted was to beat Pok -- [a brief muffled sound as Lucas clenches his teeth.  he absolutely couldn't say that name it would be against everything he wanted] -- Poh... P-P-Porky.   Porky!  King P.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted to make things like they were before...!  Before everything was ruined...

It would have been remade according to my heart.  I came here, right after I pulled the Seventh Needle, right after I awakened the Dragon.  The world was destroyed and recreated based on how good I was...  And I'm afraid.  I think about it a lot.  What if I wasn't good enough?  What if I wasn't the right one?  What if they made a mistake when they chose me?  What if... the world just stays destroyed because.... because I was too weak....

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go home because I think, sometimes, it'll just be... nothing.  Just... nothingness.  All that will be left will be me, knowing that I failed.  Everyone, everything I care for.  I'm afraid... And I know that because I'm afraid...... It just means I'm that much weaker.  I go on and on about love and friendship and things, but sometimes, every now and then...  It's just because I know that's what I should believe.

[Deep breaths for a while as Lucas recovers himself.  That wasn't even the biggest secret.  For the sake of keeping his urges under control, he had let it out.  So be it.]

The savior and the destroyer of the world.  Pathetic, right...?

Comments

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[He'll smile faintly at that, but his answer is fairly mechanical.]

Thank you. I... wouldn't want to trouble you, though.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

I'm not--

I mean, you can say no, but I'm not really asking.

. . . please?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[The smile flickers back a little more genuinely now.]

Mr. Netherlands... Do you want to know something else I'm afraid of...?

You.

Because... I want you to like me. I want you to want to know me. I want you to think I'm... not someone you put up with because I'm a kid, or someone who has to be coddled because I'm too much of a crybaby. So that's why, even though I'd always like to be with you, I'll say that sort of thing.

If you're alright with that... then, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[He'll look at Lucas a little more calculating now, then after a moment he shrugs.]

But you are a kid. And I protect people I care about so I don't feel bad if they get hurt. So of course I'm okay with it.

[He holds out a hand.]

Come on then.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[He'll look quietly at his feet for a moment or two before nodding and taking the hand. ...Then he lets it go because he has to lace on his shoes. He bends over a little to stuff his feet in.]

Mr. Netherlands?

...Do you think any less of me for everything I've said today?

wrong journal :'|

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

Of course not.

We all deal with what we have to in our own way.

[There's a slight lecturing quality to his tone. And anyway, he was a pretty intimidating guy, back in the day.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...Thanks.

[He'll take the hand for real now, although there is still a quality of meekness to his approach. He doesn't much like this tell the truth stuff.]

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

. . . you don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want. It's the town making us do this. Anyway, I like you a lot and I don't put up with anything I don't like.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't if I could help it, Mr. Netherlands... But that's all I feel I have to say now.

Oh. Um.

I like you a lot, too, but I think I say that too much, already.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Lucas gets a small smile before Holland tugs him along a little.]

It's good to hear.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas will nod a little and continue along down the street slowly.]

When do you think all of this is going to stop?... I have a few friends who keep going on about Communism.

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

I think it's pointless.

Still . . . don't want you saying something that will get you hurt.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

You think they'll do something to them...? Even though it's the town forcing it in the first place?

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

They use every excuse. You know that.

[But he moves his hand to Lucas' head, affectionate.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

I guess I still hope too much for basic decency...

[He murmurs a little, lowering his head as Netherlands's pats it.]

Don't you start talking about it, too, OK?

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

We'll watch each other. Canada too.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

There were some children who lived with you now, too, weren't there?

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

Hilda.

. . . there was a boy but he was killed, and he's been droned ever since.

[And he feels pretty guilty for not saving him, still.]

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

Oh.

...I'm sorry. Was this... during that time when we were assigned people to kill?

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Holland nods, not quite looking down at Lucas.]

He went to school before I could stop him.

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

...They didn't have anything to do with each other, you know. Dying, and the droning. And you couldn't have done anything...

[gezellighe.livejournal.com]

[Suddenly he's remembering that Lucas can talk to bunnies and. . .]

. . . can you read my mind?

[a-gentle-boy.livejournal.com]

[Lucas glances up a little, surprised.]

Not... really. I'm not that kind of psychic. I read people pretty well, and I can guess, sometimes, but... That might not even have to do with my PSI at all.